It is now 3 months post baby. The past 6 months have been played out in survival mode. Baby was born, practically perfect in every way! My gratitude to Heavenly Father for this continues to overflow. Recovery is always hard for me though...this time you could double that. A lot of factors went into that and in some ways I'm still recovering. My body will never recover fully....pretty sure 4 C-sections and 5 total abdominal surgeries is NOT all that natural. So everything is slow going. I know I am pretty hard on myself. There is a level of guilt that soaks all the corners of my brain if I'm not actively accomplishing and I end the day without a big list of checked off items. And a lot of days accomplishing things happen, out of necessity and sometimes I feel like I deserve that gold star on my forehead but mostly I feel like I'm treading water and doing all I can to keep afloat with that stretch of dry land moving further and further into the distance.
I have however, given myself plenty of cuddle time including bringing baby into bed with me from about 4:00 AM to wake up. This is turning into a nasty little vice that I can't for anything get myself to give up...even when 6:30 rolls around, my other kids voices fill the house and anxiety sets in that I have to start my day and I really only got less than a fistful of sporadic hours of sleep. So sleep could definitely improve but the hours we spend staring at this little person, adoring every sound and movement are ones I wouldn't wish away.
No comments:
Post a Comment